i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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