at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
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