My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Ladies don't puke and tell
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
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