the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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