Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
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