Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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