is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Oh god it's open bar.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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