All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
