WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
We got so high we made milksteak
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
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