the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
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