If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
