you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
