More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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