Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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