i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
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You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
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Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
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