Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
