Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
