i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Acid is not a monday night drug
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Randomize
