my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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