I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
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