ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
