Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
He passed out mid-signature
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
You're a waste of cheezeits
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
