The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Randomize
