your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
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