but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
