WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
