What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
