Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Randomize
