someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
