remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
