My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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