well you can't waste a boner
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
