Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
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