I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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