the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Dicks are not precious.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Randomize
