i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
