If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
