i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
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