Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
