he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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