Quick, to the slutcave!
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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