Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
