I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
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