chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
