so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
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