bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No...this little piggys going to the bar
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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