WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
