Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
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