i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Randomize
