My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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