i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Randomize
