I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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