If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
