Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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