Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
