How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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