is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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