the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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