I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
