You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
